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MSF金融硕士申请文书改后稿
2012年12月19日 博创留学 美国留学第一站 梦想开始的地方  博创留美关注 - 留学聚焦

改后稿

“The Road To A Successful Banker” : Biography of LI

Upon my graduation with Master degree in Finance in XXX on October 24, 2011, I become a sales manager at Citibank (China), in hope of touching and feeling its long celebrated jewel of the crown, the private banking services. Working industriously and trying all I learned from XXX classroom, I found it a perfect stage here in Citibank for my talents. Within a few years, I climbed up the ladder to positions senior sales manager and VP in sales.
这一段由于题目要求,以自传体形式出现,但是只着重写了两个阶段的职业经历。

In the summer of 2016, I am the head of the Citigroup Wealth Management (Asia). This advance in my career is attributed to my strong professional capabilities of exploring with prospective customer, the skills learned and practiced these years to nurture customer relationship and more importantly, a shrewd sense of analyzing what the market needs. Advising customers in indentifying their financial goals and offering tailor-made financial solutions, I continue to take pride in what I do and move forward in my career path. 
原稿中很多不专业和缺乏对个人金融服务基本认识的说法这里做了一个修正。

These are all imaginary parts of my future autobiography that reflect my short-term and long-term goals of professional career after finishing the MSF program with XXX. My career could well be associated with UBS or Chase, not necessarily Citibank. And the key is I love what I learn and I love what I do, private banking service product designs, sales and advisory works related to personal finance management.
这一段开始强调前面描述的是自己的中长期奋斗目标,准备引出下面对兴趣和爱好的一个简单说明。

My fascination of Personal Finance and banking was sparkled off at one of my undergraduate International Banking courses, featuring stimulating case analysis of Salinas-Citibank Affairs in 1996. Ever since then I became attentive to books, classes, lectures and everything about private banking sector. Fascinated by finance and daring to meet challenges, I find that an excellent private banking professional should be one who can not only provide investment management services to valuable clients, but also can excel in communication and client management for the best interests of both the bank and the clients. Here, learning of boundaries of banking regulations and international laws at XXX will be crucial and extremely helpful.
由于篇幅限制,只能简单写写兴趣,然后不如正题说明对于银行和金融基本知识的学习是很关键的。

Besides courses that lay the legal and business frameworks for my career, your flexible and innovative curriculum, various competitions such as “Business Case Competition” and “MSF Investment Challenges” intrigued me immensely. And I look forward to the active communication with fellow students of various backgrounds to broaden my horizons and develop my interpersonal skills. I am convinced that XXX’s MSF program can better arm me for the future challenges and endeavors in my career.
以后会重点讲到了几个学校项目的特点和自己的了解,这篇自述短小精悍,形式新颖,突破了以往人们对个人陈述几种固有形式的看法,给人耳目一新的感觉。

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